Two Things: Letter to a Lost Love

Every time is different; the separations, whether sharp or rough; the terminations of romance, the end of intimacy; all different. Or at least they seem so.  Or at least I’d like to believe they are. And the mere fact that I can say such a thing is evidence that every time should mean something. It should become a platform for inquiry and progress toward something, even if ill-defined and requiring frequent recapitulation. Of what use is the hurt if not to serve as a lens directed toward illuminating remaining mysteries?

So it is with this intention, shedding light on a portion of what was previously unknown or unspoken, that I attempt to clarify a couple of dynamics at work in my life both during and since our long goodbye.

Today's top story is the eagerly-awaited announcement of the winner of The Bookseller's Diagram Prize for Oddest Title of the Year.

The winner, by a large voting margin, was a self-help book by the title:

If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs

As Joel Rickett, Deputy Editor of The Bookseller, observed, "[This book] makes redundant an entire genre of self-help tomes. So effective is the title that you don’t even need to read the book itself."

Indeed, after reading this title, is there really any reason for another self-help book about getting out of relationships?

"Relationship",says Hugh Grant in romantic comedy Love Actually, "is a word that covers so many sins". His fictional character then goes onto to chastise the fictional President of the United States in terms that I can only say I would immensley proud to hear from any British politician, let alone the Prime Minister. The 'special relationship' that the two countries are supposed to enjoy has definatly gone sour of late and a lot of people are starting to question it's worth. So, is it time for a divorce or at least a trial seperation??

I SWEAR this is the last time I am going to visit this topic!!!!  But I am still processing and it is going to be a slow day today anyway.  I look at relationships and attraction differently than society tells me to.  I think one of their main purposes is to teach us the lessons we need to know.  When we meet people who are compelling, often times the Universe is trying to send us a message.  If it doesn't work out, we can lament the prince who got away, or wonder what it was we were really meant to learn!

I am an ardent Barack Obama supporter. My girlfriend just adores Hillary Clinton. When we talk politics, we have a hard time even agreeing on the facts - she gets her info from Hillary-friendly places, and I get mine from the folks busy fluffing Barack's pillow.

copyright © 2008 Betsy L. Angert.  BeThink.org

We met in December.  The year was 2007.  He was a friend of my cousin's.  The two were best of buds; they still are.  Cousin Paul has known James for decades.  Jim moved to my hometown only months earlier.  He felt alone.  James longed for a friend, locally.  Paul introduced us on the Internet.  After my relative played the mediator, the man in the middle, the means for a message, he asked if he might share our electronic mail addresses.  James and I each consented, and from then on, we exchanged epistles directly.  

In letters, we liked each other.  Admittedly, for us, the electronic medium was limited.  We decided to share a drink together; although I let him know, I only imbibe water.  James said that was not a problem.  We arranged to get together at Starbucks.  The coffee shop was near to his home and mine.  Neither of us wished to share where we lived exactly.  We were hesitant, cautious, or just not willing to chance the unknown.

The Irony of Valentine's Day is that so much of what we give as gifts are awash in pain and suffering. It does not have to be that way.

THE TOPICS:
In this diary I'll talk about possible gifts for your Valentines as well as alternatives, providing many options and further reading at your discretion. Among the topics included are:

♥ Flowers
♥ Non-Sweets
♥ Chocolate
♥ Coffee
♥ Doing Without
♥ Dinner & a Show
♥ Jewelry
♥ Wine
♥ How to find "Love" and support kossoks too

Part of how I ended up at dKos was finding out how Republican the grocery store Safeway was. I already despised Wal-Mart (and more with each new thing I discovered about them) but was still to discover just how neck-deep in Neo-Con they are.

Essentially, I didn't want another damn dollar of mine going to support Bushco keeping them in power. As Dr. Phil would say:

Ysterday I offered a diary involving a former student and his seeking information that might help him come to support Obama rather than McCain.  If you have not read the diary, or the fantastic responses offered by the members of this virtual community, I suggest that you take the time.  

That diary was a product of a relationship.  Teaching, for me, is less about the content, although content is important, than it is about relationships, including those between students and teachers.  And on a morning when I do not have to go to school I nevertheless find myself thinking about school, teaching and students.   In part this is because of the relationship with Brian, the student whose email to me lead to yesterday's diary  Please grant me some forbearance as I share these.  I hope you will find them of some relevance to the political processes in which we involve ourselves.

Let me start by saying, there's nothing more irritating to me than a couple who say, "Oh, we never fight." It makes you think they're Borgs or something.

And maybe when you've run into that couple, you think, "Geez. Maybe they're on to something. I wish I didn't fight with my partner."

Wrong answer! Truth is, fights can be a good thing, as long as you keep your preferred candidate out of it.

We can't go on like this any longer.  You've been lying about where you're going at night on those secret rendition flights.  You cheated on me in those sleazy Syrian torture chambers and with those cheap interrogation floozies in Europe.  You borrowed money from China without even telling me so that you can maintain that elaborate check-kiting scheme to fund your sketchy venture-capital projects in Afghanistan and Iraq with your poker buddies -- all the while telling me you were involved in volunteer activities for humanitarian causes.

On the flimsy accusation that I can't be trusted, you've been snooping through my sock drawer and pawing through my luggage, and you listen in when I call my Aunt Miriam.  But then you don't pay the bills for the extra line usage and you dump the whole sordid mess in my lap for me to pay for.  

A cross posting from Furious Seasons.

I know I am going to anger a lot of my readers by writing this, but sometimes things have just got to be said. So here goes.

Richard Friedman, a Cornell psychiatrist, pens one of those weird opinion pieces that the New York Times runs from time to time in its Health section. I think these pieces are supposed to pass for a blend of commentary on the human condition and medical advice all at once. Not sure what you'd call the form.

I am going through a separation and possible divorce, so I am biased right now, but I wanted to write down some thoughts about this powerful factor in our lives.  I have been in many relationships and have many friends that have spoken with me about thier relationships and I have made some observations.

We torture ourselves over this feeling.  If you are married or in a long term relationship; you sometimes wonder if it would be better if you were single.  And yes, most of us do wonder, not just men but women.  I have many close female friends.  If you are single and especially if you have been single for a long time, you think that being with someone will somehow make your heartache go away. So you often settle and are disappointed.  But my point is that we attach this mystical quality to love.  We do so many odd things in our pursuit of love.

This is really the litmus test for you, as president.  Each and every time a policy decision comes before you, you must ask yourself: What impact will this particular policy have on the development of trustful relationships in every local community?  Every single law or regulation that comes out of Washington helps or hurts such relationships; none is neutral.

Those words are from Deborah Meier, one of the most important thinkers and practitioners in education in recent decades (read her bio here).  They appear in a book entitled Letters to the Next President: What We Can Do about the Real Crisis in Public Education edited by Carl Glickman.  While I will soon be doing a review of the entire book, I wanted to focus on Debbie's section, which is entitled Creating Schools We Can Trust.  Please keep reading.

Social Networking sites are to typical internet sites what You are to I. They are an opportunity to find not just information, but living human beings -- repositors of information, and oftentimes, geese. By that I mean you find geese with golden eggs...not just golden eggs, which, of course, are fine, but I wouldn't want to eat one, at least not with my mouth, and since my mom always told me to keep my fingers out of my nostrils, I doubt a gold egg would fit there very comfortably either.

John proves his ability and willingness to reach out, every day, and his superiority on the social networking sites, blogging and such, proves that he is what we need leading us today.

When George W. Bush refuses to speak with Ahmedinajad (I'm guessing at the spelling)...he, according to Martin Buber, is rendering a potential "You" into a an "It". He and She equal It. You can't say You to a he or she or it.

By removing his enemy from the world of relationship, and keeping him in the world of experience, experienced as separate from...he can then kill him, bomb his people (by extension) and so on.

[There's more below the poll...)

In the next 6 days I have a lot on my plate.  If all goes as scheduled I will post a diary on an about to be published book which the author, a former writer for the Washington Post, asked that I read and review.  I have been invited to attend as an observer a hearing on NCLB sponsored by the Congressional Black Caucus.  I will attend political events to which I have been invited with Russ Feingold and Dan Maffei.  I may at his request be part of a small group to have dinner with a U S Senator to talk about education.  As one who wishes to influence educational policy several of these occasions seem to validate my efforts.  As a politically active person all give me an opportunity to connect and thereby to have the possibility to make a difference.  Several will clearly provide material about which I could blog and perhaps get some visibility for my efforts.  Five events of interest, perhaps of some import.  But none of these are the reason for my title.

On Thursday I will spend one-two hours with a young lady named Sara, who was my student when she was a freshman in high school in 1999-2000.

It was nearly ten years ago. Twelve sun-soaked and work-free vacation days had come to a reluctant end. Days that were lost cruising the Caribbean on a small ship hopping from isle-to-isle with nearly a total eclipse of my boss from Hell, an increasingly complicated schedule, and news of the outside world.  

As I slogged down the jet way, reluctant to re-face the real world, my so-called relationship of that time stood waiting in the terminal.  Something was wrong.  She was beaming; no, she was actually giddy.  Up to that time, ‘Giddy’ was not an adjective that could ever be used in the same sentence as her name.  

“Did you hear the news!” she gasped. “Clinton was caught having an affair!  It looks like he might be impeached!”

As we drove from the airport, while I was clearly upset with her glee, I was most upset with myself.  Later that night, as the quiet of the night enveloped me, I made a solemn and sacred vow, not only to myself, but to the powers of the universe (along with my dog, Ben) that I would never, ever, date another Republican woman.

I'm fully expecting to get flamed by some for writing a "bullshit diary", but a recent personal experience has generated such intriguing feedback in my inner circle that I am seeking a broader venue of opinions on this matter.  My personal story involves a letter I was contemplating writing to a young lady whose romantic courtship I seek, and I will detail specifics below the fold.  I have made my ultimate decision, but the decidedly polarized range of feedback I've gotten from friends whom I pitched the idea to has compelled me to hold my example us as a case study on the merits of being an "anonymous secret admirer" in the complex and often paranoid times that we live in....

a.k.a. Know Thyself, Love Thyself, Love Someone Else

During the last "progress report", several people voiced a desire for a diary or two about relationships.  I'm certainly not Dear Abby but I've seen more relationships fail than I can count (and a few succeed)....  My family is huge, thanks to my father's 4 marriages, plus my own in-laws and friends.  So I figured I could put all that knowledge of others to good use and offer you what I know about how to make sure you're ready for a long-term, happy, healthy relationship.